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优秀散文集【优秀散文】

2016年11月13日 精文阅读 暂无评论

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  曾经灿烂

  落花乱飞,女人晾完衣服,静静的看着小院,阳光很好,有风。

  她搬来凳子,泡上了一杯茶,坐在那里。阳光照在她因为洗涮而有些发白的手上。她瞧着这双手,曾经她是润泽光滑的,曾经他,她的男人最爱捧着她的手轻轻在脸边磨蹭。

  曾经……

  望着红花飘落,她回想到了那个与男人相识的春天。

  她还不太认识他。只是觉得他好。

  春风沉醉的晚上,西餐厅里,她静静低着头,一抹含羞的温柔。对面的他却是额头细珠密密,不堪忍受片刻的寂静,总是不停要的说笑着,连小时抓青蛙、偷果子的“丑事”也一股脑儿抖了出来。她香肩轻颤,望着这个连额角都有些蹭过来的人,心变得特别柔软。

  然而春去秋来,秋去春来,昔日桃花妖冶,桑叶肥沃,而今树依旧,花却年年只相似了。

  小孩在角落里哭泣,她赶紧站起身来。一片花叶落在她的发间,又转瞬消失不见。

  很累了,小孩睡沉一会了,她坐在床边,打个全天的第十二个电话,那头仍是简单的“嗯”和“还有事”便“通话结束”。

  直到深夜,男人微熏,闯进家门,一屁股躺在沙发上。他抽着烟,看着凌晨的足球比赛。听到声响,她披衣出来,絮絮叨叨,一天在家的沉闷,让她想多说点什么。男人很安静。等到她转过头时,发现他已睡着。

  女人感到满屋的冷寂。全屋都在睡觉,独独她,寂寞,寂寞到害怕,害怕被人遗忘。

  她望着窗外孤独的新月,努力回忆有那么一天,她轻轻微笑,满面妖羞,那一刻,她不是那个喋喋不休的人。那一刻,她像枝头挂着的饱满的蜜桃,吸人入胜,无数的人为她的回眸一笑而伫足不前。

  后来,怎么了?女人泡来一杯茶,静静地躺着。对了,碰到了他,她的丈夫。她们谈恋爱了。见了家长。他家是大户,三世同堂,家底颇丰,却需要照料。因此她辞去工作,呆在家里。当时,她很满足。看着窗外行色匆匆的女子,抿嘴一笑,幸好,她嫁了一个好丈夫。多好,不要为柴米油盐酱醋茶奔波。

  再后来呢?女人愣愣的,结婚后只有一年多,为什么她早已想不起当初。当初那愉悦的两颊绯红的女子。当初那幸福的顾盼生辉的双眸。

  昨天分离好久的女友打来电话,告诉她要结婚了。诉说着她的爱情,诉说着为了结婚她们一起拼博,诉说着她的计划,未来她想与她的丈夫携手共进。她静静的听着,口口的“恭喜”,内心却充满了嫉妒,她能想到电话头的那个女子必定是明眸皓齿,笑逐颜开,像春日的阳光一样温暖明媚。不像她。像已酿了好久未见阳光的黑酱。灰暗。还致癌。

  女人苦笑。轻轻呷了一口茶。低下头很久。

  突然像想到什么,她猛的抬头,旁边的台灯似吓了一跳。女人利索得掀了被子,引来丈夫的一个侧翻。她急急的奔向书房,正准备……

  哇哇哇。又是孩子的哭声。很大,在寂静的夜里,扰人心魂。女人皱了眉头,她不想放弃。婆婆的呵嗽声传来,想必看到了这里的灯光。

  无奈,女人只得关了灯,抱着孩子,站在阳台上轻轻的哼着曾经幸福的歌。孩子很倔,不哭也不睡觉,好久,女人抱着孩子躺在床上的时候,眼睛已经打不开了。

  她只得爬上床去,合衣而眠。东方渐白,新的一天已开始了。

  风信子

  那一年,凛冽的寒风吹遍大地,雪纷纷扬扬的飘落下来,她穿着白色的风衣,白色的裙子,白色的靴子,漫步走来,像一只美丽的白天使……因为他说过,他喜欢白色。虽然那只是随口说说,但她记住了,记得很清楚,因为,她爱他,而他却永远也不知道了。

  命运就好象一个顽皮的孩子,总是喜欢作弄人。而她就是常常被命运作弄的人……他是一个先天性心脏病患者,她是一位护士,但是她一点也不喜欢这工作,可是为了他,她还是留下来了。她每天帮他端药送水,还帮他打针,他很感谢她,天天和她说话,做游戏。这对于她来说,很幸福很幸福,她真希望每天都这样。

  可天不从人愿,那天他们正在说笑时,一股巨痛从心底涌了出来,他痛得卷曲在白色的病床上,她看见了,鼻头酸酸的,眼泪在眼眶中打转,她大喊着,医生们匆匆的赶了过来,一起把虚弱的他推入手术室,她想跟进去看看,医生却叫她去通知他的家人。过了一会,他的家人赶了过来,一个年迈的女人蹲在地上痛哭着,一个健壮的男人走过来,抓住她的肩膀,使劲的摇晃着,大叫着,问她为什么不照顾好他?她的眼泪流了下来,转过头去,看着手术室的灯,耳旁的声音都没了,她只是呆呆的看着手术室的门希望他能快点出来……时间一分一秒的过去了,灯终于熄灭了,他的家人推开她,冲到了手术室门口,急匆匆的讯问医生他的情况!医生无奈的摇摇头“对不起!我们已经尽力了!”听到这话,他的家人在手术室门口痛哭流涕,而她却呆呆地在那……

  他的家人带着他的遗体走了……

  第二天,院长的桌上放着一封辞职信,这是她的辞职信,她走了……

  那一年………………

  原来最疼痛的表情竟是没有情绪

  原来最残忍的画面可以甜言蜜语

  我不懂得如何更爱你

  影子讽刺地跟着我难分难离

  原来最孤单的是我还是那么想你

  原来最悲哀的是我不能面对自己

  ………………

  古田印记

  (一)平安桥

  平安桥位于古田县翠屏湖锁岛之上,几根铁链,几条粗大绳索外加一排平整的木板桥面,在湖面上晃晃悠悠地荡着。

  桥离水面并不是很高,湖面也平静的很,没有所谓的突兀与险峻,桥面也宽阔的很,况且还有网状的保护拦,一点不让人担心。只是上了桥,有人忽然就手抓绳索足使横力蹬踏起来,于是整个桥面晃动了,走在桥上的人猝不及防,急忙救命稻草似的抓紧附近的绳索,于是笑声夹杂着惊呼声,一波一波,在湖面上荡漾开来。

  来不及思考,来不及犹豫,那一瞬间,我们不知不觉抛弃了成年以来随着岁月的递增而积淀的成年的伪装,忘却了一切关于身份、地位、年龄对自己的羁绊,将所有顾忌与束缚抛诸脑后,伴随着一阵阵或紧或慢、或强烈或微弱的不规则的摇晃,将笑声自心灵最深处荡出,直抛向澄澈的蓝天。

  那一刻,无所谓美丑,无所谓庄重与矜持,短短的架桥之上,我们开怀畅笑,任泪花泛出眼眶,任自己跌坐桥上,还孩子似的傻笑,那一刻,久已消逝的童年仿若又回到了我们身边。

  是啊,多少年了,我们再不曾这样的顽皮,这样天真地欢娱。那阵阵响自心底的欢歌,我们又有多少年不曾接近?

  我想,在这短短的架桥上,我们释放的不仅仅只是人类善意的捉弄,而是那来自心灵深处的人之本色。

  当人类不再百般掩饰自己的情感,并让自己真诚而热烈的情感坦然面对生活,我想,那才是真正的人之自然吧!

  但对于已经习惯了伪装、习惯了以冷漠的外表来保护自己脆弱内心的人类而言,要想做到这些,又谈何容易?

  (二)关于人妖

  那是一张绝对精致的面孔!却有着一副异样的身材:畸形的胸部,残缺的下半身——漂亮,却让人不忍目睹。

  好端端一个清秀俊美的男子!

  好端端一副高挑匀称的身架子!仅仅因为贫穷、因为父母的狠心而不得不放弃自己原本的面貌,并接受那惨无人道的摧残?!

  我从来不知道,在某些人卑劣的灵魂深处,美丽竟然也会是一种罪过!

  怀璧何罪!

  记得从前,从报纸杂志看“人妖”,只隐隐约约觉得不妥、不对,但因为自己不曾亲眼目睹,最终也不过还以一声沉重的叹息就此作罢。而今,亲眼目睹人妖的真实面目,心中竟觉着郁闷且忧伤万分了。

  望着那张比女人还艳丽的面孔与身材,对于那种残缺的漂亮,我无法用“美”字形容,更不忍用“畸形”二字,在见到所谓“小姐”的那一刻,我的心忽地像被什么堵住了似的,竟无法呼吸了,原本存在的好奇心被击打地烟消云散,只剩下一股渐浓的忧戚,在心底如泛胃酸般汹涌而来。

  我不知道,我究竟要以怎样的情感面对这样一个已非自然的自然人。

  同情吗?我怕那会增加他的难堪与自卑。

  佯装漠然吗?那只会添加他对人类同胞的绝望与隔阂。

  至于仇视、鄙视、厌恶或是别的什么,却是我万万无法做到的。

  我忍着泪听完那一首原本该是男女对唱的歌曲,却不忍再多做片刻停留。

  怕他的寂寞,像歌声一样再次溢满我的心田;怕他的忧伤,像虫子一样爬满我的内脏;怕他从歌声中散落而出的落寞,让我情不自禁想要流泪;怕他受伤的眼神迷糊我柔弱的心智……

  好一阵子,我的心都在痛苦中被狠狠地揪着,为那扭曲的身体所承受的精神之痛,也为这看似和平的外表之下,人类将他的魔爪伸向同胞的兽性的张扬……

  几乎每一个人妖都有自己的一部辛酸血泪史!

  我想起很久以前看过的一篇关于人妖的访问:一个长相颇为俊秀的中国年轻男子,因为一次轻信踏上泰国打工之路,却在进入泰国的第一个夜晚被迷昏,醒来之后才发觉,自己已非原身,而迎接他的,却是大量的雌性激素……在经历了无数的摧残之后,他成为一名名副其实的人妖,那以后即便他获得了人身自由,也失去了回家的勇气,只能独自一人默默吞咽着身为人妖的痛苦。

  我无法想象一个正常人被迫变性时的恐惧,无法想象他们在接受大量激素注射之后身体所承受的异变过程中的痛苦,更无法想象他们是怎样承受着来自精神上的屈辱与绝望。但我知道,那种痛苦不是我可以承受的。

  人妖据说来自泰国,因为家境的缘故很小就被送进了泰国专门的美男女学校接受训练,现在已经退役,所以才有机会来到这个千里之外的小县城,他的女声并不算很美,但男声却唱得十分动听,汉语歌词唱得更是字正腔圆,我无心追踪他的过去,但我的心却因他被扭曲的身体而痛,我的恨也因他忧伤的眼神而剧增。

  岁月流逝,当他们的容颜被岁月焚毁,当他们的身体被时光凿穿,我不知道还有什么地方才是他们最好的归宿,而他们又将在哪里度过自己的余生?

  我更不知道,当我因不忍而转身毅然离去的时候,他是有着被遗弃的失落还是有着逃避过后的轻松?我只知道,在这个世界上,还生活着一群该受诅咒的人:那些为着自己而牺牲孩子终身幸福的父母,那些为着自身利益而不顾他人身心受疮的刽子手们……

  是他们,造就了这些从此只能生活在黑暗角落的人群,是他们,将自己的快乐建筑在了别人的无休止的痛苦之上。

  那一刻,我甚至希望人世间真得会有来世今生,我诅咒,那些可恶的人们死后灵魂将受到地狱之火的灼烧,为他今生所犯下的孽债,我同时

  祈祷,当他们过奈何桥的时候,千万不要喝下那碗可以忘却前世的孟婆茶,好让他们永远记得前世他们所犯下的罪行,并在后世用自己的一生偿还。

  但这些终归只是愤懑时的想法罢了,面对人妖,面对那两个带有侮辱性的字眼,我不知道,我还能为他们做些什么。我唯有祈祷,在既成事实的今后,他们可以少受一些折磨,多一分快乐,但这希望又是何其渺茫。

  蛇岛终于离我们远去,但在我的脑海中,挥不去的,依然是蛇岛上歌舞厅前那对清丽而忧伤的眼神。

  老衣

  家乡有沿袭很多年,古老的风俗:老人老走后,由儿子做上后衣,女儿缝起被子,儿女亲手给故去的双亲穿上衣服,盖上被子后入殓……这些衣物,称作为老衣。

  一直以来,我始终是个脆弱,惧怕担当的人。

  很多时候,有很多不敢面对,我总是会想出各种各样,千奇百怪躲避或者分散注意力的方法来逃避问题。可是这个世界上,有很多客观现实是事实存在,无法回避不容忽视的,譬如生老病死。

  妈妈这几日在缝制老衣,给自己,给爸爸缝制老衣。

  这些事情,按照老家的道理,本应全部由于儿女来完成。可是作为女儿的我,把大把的时间年少时用在了玩耍上,张大后,用在应付情感的磨折工作的辛苦和生活的无奈上,我一直在努力的耕耘,希望可以拼搏给自己一片天空。可是在如此漫长的岁月里,我却完完全全的忽略了父母。没有想到过他们,不会关心他们,为人子女,内疚与惭愧不说也罢,父母含辛茹苦近30年来的哺育让我很是赧然。时至今日,随着时间的逐渐消逝与生活的沉淀和历练,我越来越多的想到我的父亲,想到母亲。我曾经诧异的问朋友,怎么自己现在这么木讷,每每和人聚会只是带去了耳朵,因为我不知道要说什么,我不会说,接不上别人的话茬。可是事实上,我是在不断的经历生活中风雨的洗刷,最大的感知,我觉得自己已经离不开爸爸,妈妈。莫明的,我常常会想起他们,工作时,独处时。都说母亲疼儿子,父亲偏女儿。我有两个哥哥,作为家里最小的孩子,又是唯一的女儿,自小,在生活与学习上,我要明显的得到父亲的偏爱,现在还经常会很怀念小时候搂着爸爸的脖子,座在他腿上撒娇的情景,每每此时,笑意便自然的浮现在脸上,那个时候,我和妈妈的话倒不是很多。这些年,经历了这么多幸与不幸,人生又重新洗牌,我很少和父母谈及自己的生活,我是几乎不谈的,至于原因,我自己也不明白,或许,这也是一种逃避。我是躲过一时是一时,可是父母却明白,躲过一时躲不过一世,他们想各种方法,不愿意伤害我,又想要极力帮助我,这个有时候,让个性强烈的我有些尴尬,经常的恼羞成怒。此后,他们很少再在我面前提及这些事情,可是我知道,我始终是父母的一快心病。

  看着妈妈做老衣,我很心酸很伤感。我甚至于不敢正视,妈妈会在完成一件后告诉我怎么穿,先穿哪个,然后穿哪个,内心深出,除去满目的苍凉与酸楚,还有深刻的自责,百种滋味,其上心头,我一边告诉妈妈她和爸爸会长命百岁,一边深深的牢牢记住妈妈的话,妈妈最后把衣服从里到外,全部套在一起,告诉我,穿衣服的时候不要焦急,不要紧张……近几年,张大了,独自面对人生才知道了生活的苦楚和不堪,和爸爸的交流日益减少,更多的时候,我会想到给妈妈买件衣服,却不知道要给爸爸做些什么,和妈妈比起小的时候,亲近的多了。

  我想着要亲手给爸爸妈妈缝制老衣,可是我不会。有个念头闪念而过,不会是不是借口?可是要专门的学做缝制衣服,又是爸爸妈妈的老衣,我会觉得很残忍,这种残酷不足以支持我。

  亲爱的爸爸妈妈,为了儿女,你们付出了一生的艰辛,现在再来读"春蚕到死丝方尽,蜡炬成灰泪始干"的诗句,我更多的,多了一份感慨,多了一份无奈。我始终,一辈子,一生一世,都不愿意,不舍得离开你们。爸爸妈妈,如果有一天,你们真的不在了,女儿在这个世界上,从此以后便没有了亲人,我会和小白菜一样,是天底下最凄凉最可怜的孩子。我再就失去了走到家门口,那个叫爸叫妈来为我开门的人。我再就没有了回到家里的嘘寒问暖,没有妈妈急急忙忙为我去做饭菜,没有爸爸寡言却放不下的目光。我不敢想象,爸爸妈妈。我没有生花妙笔,我有的,只是此刻的泣不成声。爸爸妈妈,我爱你们。爸爸妈妈,你们要健康,要快乐的生活下去,为了女儿不做世界上那个最可怜,最凄惨的孩子。爸爸妈妈,我还能为你们做些什么?上苍,都说好人一生平安,请保佑我善良的双亲。

  爸爸妈妈,我爱你们。

  蜀葵

  很小的时候就认识蜀葵,不过那时她没有“蜀葵”这样富有诗意的名字,大家都叫“棋盘花”,这个比狗尾草还要俗气一些的名字。

  蜀葵不漂亮,也没有香气,呼拉拉地就开成一片,而且其中以单瓣的紫红色花朵居多,所以在我的关于花的排行榜里,起先并没有她。我喜欢山茶、樱花、映山红、龙胆草、槐花、荔丹子……在那儿时的山里,随便拿一种花花草草出来,都要比她美丽许多,而且像映山红、槐花、荔丹子这些,还可以让我美美地吃上一气。

  可是墙角、院子旁、菜园子边,到处都有她直立的身影。连原来我栽着状元青、状元红的地方也有了她的出现。于是在某个七月的月色下,我偷偷拿了一把镰刀去一阵乱砍,然后将尸体全拖到牛圈里扔给了牛。第二天还在睡梦中,就让爷爷给拽着小辫拖了起来,拧到妈妈面前要家法伺候。好像是说蜀葵要药倒爷爷那条最宝贝的大水牛,又好像说那蜀葵原本是爷爷留着打草鞋时剥皮用的,已记不太清了。不过后者可能性大点,因为挨了妈妈一顿好骂后,责令我去给爷爷转编草绳子用的小竹轱辘。

  在菊先姑姑家看到一种重瓣儿的花,黄的、粉的、白的一大片,而且有些已经有了籽。我央告着姑姑给我摘些种子带回去。她说你们家那一大片都是这棋盘花,你还摘回去干吗?我自然不相信,但看她们的叶子,又有那么几分相像。孩提时的自己总爱用些耍赖的小伎俩,菊先姑姑自然不能拗过我,只好给撸了一大包让带上。可新鲜劲一过,回家也就忘了自己还要立志做花匠的事儿。

  第二年的蜀葵是什么时候长起来,无从知道,因为从三月起摔断四肢的我就一直被绑在床上。直到六月末的时候,才被放到躺椅上抬到院子里去见见光。因为不能动,所以哭得眼睛红红的妈妈,给我支个小镜子转着照,好让我见见四周的风景。就是那天,我在妈妈手中的镜子里,看到了那不知道什么时候开出来的蜀葵花。

  还是单瓣的,不过好像多了其他颜色,花干儿直直指向天空,花朵儿紧紧地贴在花干上,还是密密匝匝一大片,奔放、自由。

  妈妈每天对不愿意出去的我说,棋盘花又开了好多朵儿,你不去看,多可惜!于是便起身让妈妈带出去。那年蜀葵的花期特别长,到九月了还一朵接一朵地开,到我能慢慢站起来的时候,还能偶尔看见几朵迟开的花。蜀葵还是那种不起眼的植物,但对于我来说,不再可有可无。

  虽然她只是安静地生长,什么也没有做,但那年的蜀葵,给了一个孩子站起来的欲望和冲动。她只有最柔弱的羽衣,却为我安上了最坚硬的翅膀。

  劳碌的爸妈只重视生计、英明的老师只重视成绩,所以不优秀的我,一直是个不受人注意的孩子。我静默地一直沿着时光慢慢往下走,像极了墙角、院子旁、菜园子边的那些蜀葵。优秀、出色,这些词语之于我;艳丽、妩媚,这些词语之于我的蜀葵,都是那么遥远,远过天边那抹云霞。

  但蜀葵和我又是不同的,她愿意在哪儿落脚就长在哪儿,愿意开成什么颜色就开成什么颜色。而且每到夏季就旁若无人地一溜烟疯长,花朵儿节节向上,噼噼啪啪地就把一大片花开了出去,让人不注意都不行。

  而我,没有她肆无忌惮地绽放的勇气。

  我不够坚韧朴实、我不够超然洒脱、我不够热烈奔放……

  除了安静,似乎我什么也没有从蜀葵那里学到。

  所以我还是找个角落像小时侯一样看着紫红色的蜀葵,发呆或幻想。

  幻想努力地生长,像蜀葵一样开出好大一片花来。

  幻想有一天,能同蜀葵一样开出自己坚持的梦想。

  写给妈妈

  妈,你说我是不是老了,每当夜深人静的时候,我总是睡不着觉,常常一个人发呆。想你了,想家里的老房和那棵老槐树。想奶奶了,想奶奶和我睡的那个热炕头儿。

  老房没有了,那天我一个人闲得没事,一直走到老街的胡同口。街里也铺上了柏油路,老房子被一所新宅院替代。在也闻不到槐花飘来的那股香味儿了。老街坊都不大认得我了,除非说起你们的名字,他们才记起,“女大十八变”看来我是真的变了,长大了。你说不是吗?

  妈,老爸把你们结婚的照片给了我。我把它装在像册里好好的珍藏起来了。也只有我们一家人的照片,那个女人把你的照片都给撕掉了,我真恨自己没有把它带在身边。要不然我怎么会这么遗憾的回忆过去呢?前两天电视里介绍庐山,我又想起了你,想你在庐山顶上手里拿着一束采来的乡间野花照的那张照片。现在什么也没有了,只有记忆,只有一点点的记忆一点点的吞噬着我的内心。成为我生命中永远的痛。永远的痛……有机会我一定要去庐山,追寻你的踪迹。

  老爸也老了。记得小时侯,爸爸每次回家,就抱着我一起跳舞。你在厨房里给我们做饭吃,葱花的香味弥漫了整个房间,我们三个人做在一起听收音机吃饭……妈,爸爸也挺不容易。为了我付出了太多的精力和心思,我真的不忍心看着他每天这样生活,一个60多岁的老人为了自己的孩子,整天周旋于另一种生活空间之中。其实,你知道吗?我真的什么都不要,房子,金钱……哪一个也比不上让我有个健康平安的老爸,更让我增加活着的勇气和信心。你也知道,很小的时候,我就很悲观,直到现在我也不是很乐观。我只想静静的拥有属于我们三个人的那个家。那个家在我的心里,而且一直在我的心里……

  妈,夜深了,天堂里有春天吗?你冷吗?盖好被子,睡吧。别忘了照顾奶奶和爷爷。这里一切都好,放心就是了。睡吧,晚安。

  纸蝴蝶一直在飞,就象天际间摇曳的风筝。我的心也在飞,飞到你身边,依偎的奶奶的怀里。和你们一起听那支古老而悠长的歌。

  小姨,开了一个书店,我今天去她那里玩了会儿,自然说起了你,说你小时侯很辛苦,每天上完学还要忙着回家做饭。顾不上吃一口又要走……,结婚后还要照顾老爸和奶奶还有我,说你小心眼儿,有什么事情从来不说出来,总是自己一个人扛着,说你刚结婚那年春节和爸爸回老家,看见小姨和姥姥吵架,连饭都没有吃就回来了,三十多里地呀,小姨哭了,我也哭了,心情一直很激动。

  这些天,给旅行社带团。看到一位76岁的老人在两个女儿的陪同下和我们一起去赶海。坐在沙滩上,望着无际的大海,看着一群嬉笑的人们,我在想,如果你在,我会和他们一样扶着老爸扶着老妈,赤脚走在海滩上,沐浴在阳光下……一同享受大自然给予我们的恩惠。不是吗?你说?我亲爱的老妈。

  海水渐渐退去了,一些人正在捡石子。其实,我也是静静躺着的一粒砂硕,你们喜欢所以就把我捡了起来,成为你们永远的爱……好想回到从前,让你们继续呵护我,爱我,疼我……生命竟如此短暂。让我痛心疾首。不敢奢望什么。

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英文对照阅读:

Philosophic theory essay | Essay of a person of academic or artistic distinction | Prosaic concentration | Elegant essay | Classical essay

Once bright

Fall beautiful chaos flies, feminine air is over the dress, look at small courtyard silently, sunshine is very good, have wind.

She moves bench, on bubble a cup of tea, sit over. Because wash rinse,sunshine is illuminated in her and on a little hoar hand. Her look is worn this pair of hands, once she is moist is smooth, once he, the handle gently that her man loves to holding her in both hands most is light by the side of the face dillydally.

Once ……

Looking at safflower to wave fall, she returns the spring that thought of that is acquainted with the man.

She is returned not quite know him. Just feel he is good.

Spring breeze gets drunk in the evening, in Western-style food hall, she is silent low head, the tenderness of a bashfully. He on is forehead however fine bead close, bear a short while hush extremely, the josh that always wants ceaselessly is worn, pay even the hour the frog, “ scandal ” that steals fruit also completely trembled to come out. She is sweet the shoulder quivers gently, looking at this to even frontal eminence cross comer some of loiter even frontal eminence, the heart becomes particularly soft.

However Chun Quqiu comes, qiu Quchun comes, peach blossom is coquettish in former days, sang Xie is fecund, cultivate now as before, the flower is annual however only similar.

The child cries in the corner, she stands up rapidly. A Hua Xie falls between her hair, in a twinkle disappears disappear.

Very tired, the child sleeps sink a little while, she sits in bedside, hit round-the-clock dozenth a phone, then the head still is simple “ hum ” and “ occupied still ” “ communicates end ” .

Till the late night, the man is small fume, rush into a door, one buttock lies on sofa. He is smoking cigarette, look at the football game of before dawn. Hear sound, she wraps around the garment comes out, garrulous long-winded be favored with, a day those who be in the home is depressing, let her want to say what to nod more. The man is very quiet. When she turns when overdoing, discover he already was asleep.

The woman feels the Leng Ji of houseful. Whole house is sleeping, alone alone she, doleful, loneliness arrives fear, fear to be forgotten.

She is looking at the alone crescent outside the window, recollect hard have so a day, she smiles gently, be full of bewitching be ashamed, that momently, she is not the person of that babble. That momently, she hangs the full sweet a peach-shaped thing of the move like branch, suck a person to enter get the better of, countless people answer eye to laugh for hers and stand for a long while sufficient not before.

Later, how? Feminine bubble comes a cup of tea, lying silently. Was opposite, came up against him, her husband. They talk about love. Saw the parent. His home is large family, sansei is the same as hall, family property accumulated over a long time quite abundant, need to attend however. Accordingly she resigns the job, stay in the home. At that time, she is very contented. Look at the woman with the hasty circumstances or style of departure outside the window, close lightly mouth laughs, fortunately, she married a good man. Much better, do not be tea of fuel sauce vinegar to rush about.

Again later? The woman is stupefied be stupefied, there is a year many only after marrying, why she wants not to rise already at the outset. At the outset the woman of that cheerful two buccal bright red. Look around happily then at the outset unripe brightness double eye.

The cummer that departed for ages yesterday makes a telephone call, tell her to wanted to marry. Recounting her love, recounting to marry they spell gain together, telling her plan, she thinks future be entered in all hand in hand with her husband. Her silent audition is worn, the “ of buccal mouth congratulations ” , the heart was full of jealousy however, she can think of that woman of phone head is sure is tine of bright eye bright, beam with smiles, resemble spring warmth is beautiful like the sunshine of day. Unlike she. Resembled already making the black sauce that did not see sunshine for ages. Gloomy. Still cause cancer.

Feminine forced smile. Gently sip a tea. Low the head is very long.

Resemble suddenly what thinking of, she looks up suddenly, the desk lamp on the side is like frightened jump. The woman is so agile that the woman lifted a quilt, a side that draws the man breaks up. She runs quickly urgently to the study, preparing ……

Wow wow. It is the child's cry. Very big, in silent night, fetch of faze popular feeling. The woman knitted brows, she does not want to abandon. The sound of the mother-in-law that breathe out cough is transmitted, most propbably saw the light here.

But, the woman was obliged to involve the lamp, adopting the child, the station is on the balcony gently hum move once happy song. The child very gruff, do not cry to also do not sleep, for ages, when the woman is holding the child in the arms to lie on the bed, the eye cannot have been opened.

She is obliged to climb go to bed, combine the coating and Mian. Oriental gradually white, one new day already began.

Hyacinthine

That year, brisk cold wind blows the earth, snow swirls wave fall down, she is wearing white dust coat, white skirt, white boots, ramble goes, beautiful like white angel …… has said because of him, he likes white. Although that is blurt out only,say, but she remembered, write down very clearly, because, she loves him, and he also did not know forever however.

The destiny is like a mischievous child, always like joke person. And the person …… that she often is run to do by the life namely he is patient of a congenital heart disease, she is a nurse, but she likes this job not at all, can be for him, she still stayed. She helps him carry medicine to send water everyday, still help him give or take an injection, he thanks her very much, talk with her every day, make game. This to her, very happy very happy, she if only everyday such.

But the day does not wish from the person, they were that day when josh, one gigantic painful emerged from the bottom of the heart, he is painful curly go up in white sickbed, she saw, nose acid is acerbity, tear is in orbit revolve, she is crying greatly, doctors were driven hurriedly come over, push him frail into surgery together, she thinks follow-up goes looking, the doctor calls her to inform his family however. Passed a little while, the person drove his home to come over, the wife of an old stays in the cry bitterly on the ground to wear, a hale man walks over, grab her shoulder, exert all one's strength shaking, crying, why to ask she does not take care of him good? Her tear flowed, had turned the head goes, look at the lamp of surgery, the sound by ear was done not have, she is logy only the door that looks at surgery hopes he can come out quickly …… time the past of one second, the lamp went out eventually, his family pushs her, developed surgery doorway, hurriedly interrogatory doctor his circumstance! The doctor shakes helplessly shake one's head “ Is am sorry! We had endeavored! ” hears this word, his family weeps bitterly in surgery doorway, and she stays to be in slow-wittedly however that ……

His family belt is worn his remains walked along ……

The following day, there is a resignation letter on decanal desk, this is her resignation letter, she walked along ……

That year of ………………

The most aching before expression is to do not have a mood unexpectedly

The cruelest before picture is OK honey-tongued

I am not known how to love you more

It is difficult that shadow follows me spicily to be divided hard from

The most alone before is I still think you so

The saddest before is I cannot face myself

………………

Ancient Tian Yin is written down

(One) restful bridge

Restful bridge is located in over island of lock of lake of emerald green screen of ancient cropland county, a few iron chain, a few bulky ropes are adscititious the plank bridge floor of a level off, ground of leisurely of shake from side to side shakes to swinging on lake face.

The bridge leaves surface is not very tall, lake surface is calm also, what did not call somewhat is abrupt with arduous, bridge floor is broad also, besides still has meshy protection to bar, did not make a person afraid. Just went up the bridge, suddenly while you're at it catchs someone the rope is enough make unexpected strength pedal steps, then rock of whole bridge floor, the person abrupt that goes on the bridge is prevented not as good as, help hastily clutch like straw the rope around, then laugh be mingled with is worn Jing cry, , ripple to come on lake face.

Have not enough time to think, have not enough time to hesitate, that is flashy, since we abandoned to grow up insensibly the increase by degrees and accumulates grown camouflage as years, forgot everything to trammels to all about the identity, position, age, will all scruple with manacle after throwing all heads, accompanying blast or close or slow, or intense or faint shake irregularly, laugh from the heart most in swing, cast Xiang Chengche's blue sky continuously.

That momently, be indifferent to the United States ugly, be indifferent to grave with missish, bridge shortly over, free of our to one's heart's content laughs, hold the post of extensive of tears in eyes to give rim of the eye, hold the post of oneself to drop sit on the bridge, return childlike giggle, that momently, long already if the childhood copy of die returned us again beside.

Be, much teenager, our or else ever such mischievous, so innocent joyous amusement. That a noise the joyous song from the bottom of the heart, do we have much teenager to never be close to again?

I think, bridge shortly in this on, the is human kindness only not just embarrass that we release, come from the instinctive quality of the person in the heart then however.

Conceal oneself affection by every means no longer when the mankind, the affection calm that makes oneself genuine and enthusiastic faces the life, I think, the nature that just is right person then!

But to been used to camouflage, habit will protect oneself with chill appearance the mankind of flimsy heart, want to accomplish these, easier said than done?

(2) about person bewitching

That is a piece of absolutely and fine face! Having a pair of peculiar figure however: Unbalanced bosom, —— of misshapen below half body is beautiful, let a person cannot bear however witness.

When everything is all right a comely and pretty man!

When everything is all right a pair carry well-balanced body frame work high! Mere because of poverty, because of parents cruel-hearted and must abandon oneself originally appearance, accept that to destroy very cruelly? !

I do not know, in the depth of certain person's despicable soul, beauty also can be a kind of fault actually!

Huai Bi why blame!

Remember once upon a time, see ” of “ person bewitching from newspaper magazine, only indistinct feel misgivings, incorrect, but because of oneself never saw with one's own eyes is witnessed, also do not pass finally to still heave a sigh heavily with at this point give u. Now, saw with one's own eyes witnesses the real look of person bewitching, become aware the move is depressed unexpectedly in the heart and distressed extremely.

Visitting that piece of more gorgeous than the woman face and figure, to the sort of misshapen beautiful, I cannot use glyph of “ beautiful ” to allow, more cannot bear misshape with “ 2 words of ” , in what see ” of alleged Miss “ that momently, my heart resembled suddenly be being stemmed by what like, cannot breathe unexpectedly, the curiosity that exists originally is vanished completely by stroke ground, remain only gradually thick care relative, in the bottom of the heart billowy like extensive hydrochloric acid in gastric juice and come.

I do not know, I want after all affection faces a such natural people that already were not nature with what kind of.

Sympathize with? What I am afraid that that meeting increases him is embarrassed with self-abased.

Does feign hold without concern? That can add his despair to human brethren and estrangement only.

As to be hostile to, distain, other what be detest or, however my absolutely cannot be accomplished.

I am bearing a tear to listen to that one should be the song with antistrophic men and women originally, cannot bear however do moment to stay more again.

Be afraid of his loneliness, like singing again excessive is full the sadness that my heart; is afraid of him, climb like insect full the desolate that my splanchnic; is afraid of him to scatter and go out from inside singing, let me want to weep uncontrollably the eyes that; is afraid of to he gets hurt is confused my effeminate intelligence ……

Good a period of time, my heart is in anguish be worn by hold tight of firm firm ground, of the spirit of body place susceptive that is that twist painful, also visit the appearance that is like peace for this under, the mankind extends his devil's talons the brutish make public …… to the brethren

Almost a when each individual bewitching has him miserable tears of blood history!

I recall a when had looked a long time ago visit about person bewitching: The Chinese young man with a very pretty appearance, because of credulous the road that sets foot on Thailand to work, be confused in the first night that enters Thailand however, after awaking, ability detects, oneself already were not former body, and receive him, it is many female hormone …… however after experiencing countless destroying, he becomes the person evil spirit of a be worthy of the name, he obtained even if after that person is free, also lost the nerve that come home, can alone silent deglutition is worn the anguish of body humanness bewitching.

I am unthinkable a normal person is forced the fear when denaturation, unthinkable the susceptive of place of body of the back of a person that they are accepting a large number of hormone to inject different changes the anguish in the process, more unthinkable they are the abasement that how bearing to come from spirit to go up and despair. But I know, the sort of anguish is not me can susceptive.

Person bewitching comes from Thailand allegedly, because the reason of family circumstances is very little,be sent into the school of beautiful men and women with special Thailand to accept training, had retired now, so just the opportunity comes to the small town besides this a thousand li, his female voice does not calculate very beautiful, but male voice is sung very pleasantly however, chinese libretto is sung is a word more antrum is round, I track his past involuntarily, but my heart however because he is painful by screwy body, my hate also because of his distressed eyes leap.

Years passes, the appearance that becomes them by years burn down, the body that becomes them is certained to wear by days, I do not know where to still have just is their best a home to return to, and the remainder of one's life that where will they spend themselves again?

I more do not know, when my because of cannotting bear face about resolutely when leaving, is he to still having outcast lose after escaping relaxed? I know only, on this world, still living people of a flock of this frigging frigging: Those are oneself and sacrificial child's lifelong and happy parents, the executioner that those are self interest and disregards other body and mind to get wound people ……

It is them, brought up these to be able to live in the crowd of dark corner only from now on, it is them, was in oneself happy building over the unending anguish of others.

That momently, I must be met really between hope the world even have otherworldly this life, I am cursed, the soul after those abhorrent people are dead will get the calcination of hellfire, for him this life place makes the evil debt below, I at the same time

Pray, when they cross a nether bridge, must not drink tea of next mother-in-law of the first month that then the bowl can forget preexistence, good the crime that allows them to be written down so that they commit preexistence forever, the lifetime that uses oneself in later ages repays.

But these eventually are depressed and discontented only the idea when stopped, face person evil, face those two to contain contumelious word, I do not know, what can I still do for them. I pray only, in accomplished fact henceforth, they can suffer a few torment less, much cent is happy, but this hope is how vague.

Anguine island leaves us far eventually, but in the brain in me, brandish does not go, still be that pair of Qing Li before hall of the singing and dancing on anguine island and distressed eyes.

Old clothes

Home town has follow a lot of years, ancient custom: After the old person often goes, by the garment after the son is done, the daughter seams a quilt, children puts on the dress to the parents of die with one's own hands, these clothings of …… of the encoffin after the quilt on the lid, say to serve as old clothes.

All the time since, I am from beginning to end flimsy, be fear of the person that take on.

A lot of moment, a lot of dare be not face, I always can be thought up various, all kinds of strange things is avoided or the method of dispersive attention evades an issue. But on this world, having very much objective reality is factual existence, cannot evasive not allow to ignore, for example birth.

Mom is in a few days this tailor old clothes, give oneself, give father tailor old clothes.

These things, according to the truth of native place, this answering that be finished entirely as a result of children. But regard a daughter as me, use on amuse oneself when the time big is junior, after magnify, use in what deal with affective to grind the hardship that loses the job and life but on, what I am in hard all the time is cultivated, the hope can go all out in work oneself a sky. But be in so long years, my complete however oversight parents. Had not thought of them, won't care them, for person children, compunctious with ashamed do not say, parental endure all kinds of hardships comes nearly 30 years feed letting me is to blushing very. At this late hour, as time gradually the precipitation of die and life and all previous are experienced, I more and more father that think of me, think of a mother. I once was surprised ask a friend, how oneself now so Mu Ne, just often took ear with person party, because I do not know to want what to say, I won't say, do not receive on the word stubble of others. But in fact, I am the rinse in the harships in ceaseless experience life, the biggest perception, I feel I cannot have left father, mom. Of Mo Ming, my constant regular meeting remembers them, when the job, when be in alone. Say the mother is fond of a son, father slants daughter. I have two elder brothers, as the smallest child in the home, it is only daughter, from small, on the life and study, I want the clear preference that gets father, often still meet now very yearning in one's childhood cuddle is worn father's neck, the scene that acts like a spoiled child on his leg, often right now, the smile emerges naturally go up in the face, at that time, the word of I and mom is not very much. These year, experienced so much favour and misfortune, life reshuffle, I am very few the life with parental him refer, I talk scarcely, as to the reason, myself is not clear also, probably, this also is one kind escapes. I am escaping is temporarily temporarily, but parents is clear however, escape do not hide to cross generation temporarily, they consider all sorts of methods, do not be willing to harm me, want to do his utmost to help me again, this occasionally, I what make individual character intense am a little awkward, often be ashamed into anger. After this, they allude before me again rarely these things, but I know, I am one sharp sore point of parents from beginning to end.

Look at mom to make old clothing, I very feel sad is very sentimental. I dare be not faced up to even, mom can tell me how to be worn after finishing, wear first which, wear next which, the heart goes out greatly, the bleak of eliminate see everywhere and distressed, what still have profundity is self-condemned, 100 kinds of flavor, the mind on its, I tell mom she and father chairman lot 100 years old at the same time, at the same time if deep firmly remembers mother, mom is subject to the garment finally in outside arriving, cover together entirely, tell me, when wearing the dress, do not want anxious, not nervous …… in last few years, magnify, the distress that faced life to just know the life alone and extremely, decrease increasingly with father's communication, more moment, I can think of to buy a clothes to mom, do not know to want what to do to father however, with mom compared with small when, those who be close to is much.

I am wanting to want to give father mother tailor old clothes with one's own hands, can be me won't. A thought shines to read aloud and pass, won't be excuse? But want to learn technically to make tailor clothing, it is the old clothes of father mother, I can feel very cruel, this kind of cruelty can't support me.

Dear father mother, for children, you paid the hardships of lifetime, read " spring silkworm to just be used up to dead silk now again, candle fire becomes grey tear only then the line of dry " , I more, much a deep feeling, much but. I from beginning to end, all one's life, one's whole life, do not be willing, not be willing to part with or use leaves you. Father mother, if one day, your true be dead, the daughter goes up in this world, evermore did not have a family member, my meeting and a variety of Chinese cabbage are same, it is in the world the most desolate the poorest child. I was lost again take excellent entrance, that calls pa to call the person that Mom will come to open the door for me. I did not have an inquire after sb's health in the home again, do meal without mom hastily for me, close-lipped without father do not put the view below however. I dare not imagine, father mother. I do not have a gifted pen, my some, just at the moment choke up with sobs. Father mother, I love you. Father mother, you want health, want happy unripe subsist, do not do for the daughter that is the most pitiful on the world, the most deplorable child. Father mother, what can I still do for you? God, say good person lifetime is restful, bless my kind-hearted parents please.

Father mother, I love you.

Hollyhock

Very small when know hollyhock, nevertheless she is full of the name of poetic flavour so without “ hollyhock ” in those days, everybody calls “ chessboard beautiful ” , this compares the name with even a few vulgarrer green bristlegrass.

Hollyhock is pie-eyed, also do not have aroma, breathe out Lalade opens, and be in the majority with univalve amaranth flower among them, it is so in my pop chart about the flower, at first does not have her. I like red of flower of grass of camellia, oriental cherry, azalea, rough gentian, pagoda tree, Li child …… is in there in the hill when, grab straw of a kind of beautiful flowers and plants casually, should compare her beauty a lot of, and red of beautiful like azalea, pagoda tree, Li child these, still can make me beautiful eat beautifully on stretch.

But by corner, courtyard, vegetable garden edge, have her erect figure everywhere. Appear even what so I was growing the place with blueness of Number One Scholar, red Number One Scholar to also have her. Fall in a certain moonlight July then, I took a hook to go secretly a hackle, dragged the body to throw an ox in Niu Juan completely next. Still be the following day in sleep, let a grandfather give dragging small plait to procrastinate to rise, twist domestic discipline exercised by the head of a feudal household wants to serve before mom. Seeming is to say that to hollyhock wants medicine to pour a grandfather most the flood of baby is arrogant, seeming to say Na Shukui again is a grandfather originally when staying to hit sandals, decorticate use, already wrote down not quite clear. Bits latter nevertheless possibility is large, because endured mom good after scolding, instruct me to turn to the grandfather the small bamboo wheel that the cord that make up grass uses.

In chrysanthemum first aunt home sees a kind of heavy piece flower, yellow, of pink, a white big, and some had had seed. My ask earnestly is worn aunt picks some of seed to be brought back to me. She says your home is this chessboard flower a big then, are you still picked why on earth? I do not believe naturally, but the leave that reads them, have again so a few split phase resemble. When childhood the small intrigue that oneself always love to use some of act shamelessly, chrysanthemum first aunt is natural cannot bend so as to breakstubborn crosses me, be forced Lu let big packet one be taken. But new interest passes, came home to also forget oneself even the thing that aspire does floriculturist.

Hollyhock of the 2nd year is when to grow, have no way knows, because break me of limb since March,be bound to be on the bed all the time. Till June end when, just be put to deck chair to carry go seeing in the courtyard see light. Because cannot be moved, cry the eye is redly so red mom, raise a small glasses to turning to illuminate to me, good let me see see the landscape all around. Was that day, in my mirror in mother hand, saw that does not know when to open the Sichuan sunflower that come out.

Univalve still, be like nevertheless much other facial expression, the flower is dry point to a sky continuously continuously, beautiful flower is stuck closely on flower doing, still be thick a big, bold and unrestrained, free.

I what mom goes out to not be willing everyday say, chessboard flower opened a lot of flower again, you do not look, much regrettablly! Rise then let mom be taken. Nian Shukui's florescence is particularly then long, to September return to receive a ground to leave, can stand up slowly to me when, still can now and then the flower that sees a few leave behindhand. Hollyhock still is the sort of ordinary plant, but to me, no longer dispensable.

Although she just grows quietly, whats were done, but hollyhock of that year, gave a child the desire that stand up and impulse. She has the most effeminate plumage only, how to go up for me however the hardest wing.

The pa Mom of work hard takes bread, brilliant teacher seriously to value result only only, so I not outstanding, it is a child that does not get person attention all the time. Ground of my become silent goes downward slowly along days all the time, resemble extremely by corner, courtyard, those hollyhock of vegetable garden edge. Outstanding, outstanding, of these terms at me; is gorgeous, enchanting, the at me hollyhock of these terms, it is so distant, far horizon cross that to wipe rosy clouds.

Dan Shukui and I am different, she is willing to grow in where stay where, be willing to fly what color into what color. And every arrive the summer with respect to overgrowth of swiftly of ground of act as if there is no one else present, beautiful flower successively up, ground of bang of Pi Pi bang opened a big flower to go out, let a person be no good carelessly.

And me, without the courage that her unbridled ground blossoms.

I am not quite tough I am not quite guileless, detached I am not quite free and easy, enthusiastic bold and unrestrained ……

Besides quiet, it seems that my whats were acquired over there Cong Shukui.

So I still look for a corner to resemble looking at the hollyhock of amaranth euqally in one's childhood, syare blankly or imagine.

The illusion grows hard, leave like hollyhock piece very big a flower comes.

Illusion one day, him importunate can leave to dream like Tong Shukui.

Keep mum

Mom, you say I am old, every time in the still of night when, I always sleep to be not worn become aware, often a person is bemused. Think you, think the Laofang in the home and that old pagoda tree. Think a grandma, that hot the warmer end of kang that thinks grandma and I sleep.

Laofang was done not have, my one individual idle must do not have a thing that day, walk along the alley mouth of old street all the time. Also spread in the street went up blacktop, old building is replaced by a new house. Be in also sniff that scent that is less than pagoda tree flower to wave. Old neighbor is not big know me, unless speak of your name, they just recall, “ female big 18 change ” looks I am to change really, was brought up. Is you say?

Mom, the photograph that old father marries you gave me. I install it in picture book in well collect carefully rose. Also have the picture of our family only, that woman gives rip off your picture, I hate myself to did not take it beside really. Or how am I met does so regretful memory go? Cottage hill introduces in before two days of TV, I remembered you again, think you are taking a bundle to collect that piece of picture that wild flower takes the country that come in cottage summit begin. Whats were done not have now, have memory only, have the gobbling up me heart of the memorial little of little only. In making my life forever painful. Forever painful …… has an opportunity I must go cottage hill, pursue your track.

Old father is old also. Remember in one's childhood, father comes home every time, holding me in the arms to dance together. You cook to us in the kitchen eat, the fragrance of chopped green onion diffused whole room, we 3 people are done together listen to a radio to have a meal …… Mom, it is not easy that father also is held out. Gave too much energy and idea for me, I cannot bear really the heart looks at him to live so everyday, an old person of many years old 60 the child for oneself, all the day deal with lives at another kind in the space. Actually, do you know? My true whats do not want, house, monetary …… which also be not a patch on lets me have a healthy and restful old father, more let me raise living courage and hope. You also know, very small when, I am very pessimistic, up-to-date I also am not very hopeful. I want to be had silently only belong to us that home of 3 people. That home is in my heart, and it is all the time in my heart ……

Mom, late at night, is there spring in heaven? Are you cold? Build good quilt, sleep. Did not forget to take care of grandma and grandfather. Here everything is good, be at ease is. Sleep, good evening.

Paper butterfly is flying all the time, just like the kite that sways between horizon. My heart also is flying, fly to the side of you, in the bosom of the grandma that lean close. Listen to that to raise old and long song together with you.

Little one's mother's sister, opened a bookshop, I played to meet today, spoke of you naturally, say you in one's childhood very painstaking, finish everyday learn even busy move to come home cook. Do not consider on eat to want …… again readily, old father and grandma are taken care of to still have me even after marrying, say your narrow-minded, what thing does not speak out, always be oneself a person is being carried, say you just married that year the Spring Festival and father return old home, see little one's mother's sister and grandmother quarrel, did not eat even the meal to come back, more than 30 lis of ground, little one's mother's sister cried, I also cried, the mood all the time very excited.

These days, head a group to travel agent. The old person that sees 76 years old is in of two daughters accompany next mixing we drive the of great capacity together. Sit on the beach, hoping not to have the sea of border, look at the people of a flock of be laughing and playing, I am thinking, if you are in, I am met and is old father to helping old Mom up like them, barefoot goes on beach, bath enjoys nature to offer our debt together in the …… below sunshine. Be? Do you say? My dear is old Mom.

Seawater gradually retire, a few people are collecting pebble. Actually, I also am silent a when lying arenaceous large, you liked to collect me so rise, become you forever love …… wants to return very much once upon a time, let you continue to caress me, love me, be fond of my …… life unexpectedly so brief. Let my with bitter hatred. Not dare extravagant hopes what.

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